Reading is Fundamental

I occasionally receive "fan" mail from people who are either confused or too stupid to understand that I am not the comedian. I've owned this domain since 2004 and for if you don't like it, that seems like a "you" problem and not a "me" problem. If you want to send me email me then go for it, I guess. Just be aware that I will not probably not respond and any dipshittery will likely get posted here.

And if you want to know what it's like being famous, you can find out by reading my interview with Cracked.

Message from an idiot who can't tell the difference between a design portfolio and a sales site.

You're a dumbass, Rachel.

Email from an angry fan telling me to shut down my website.

U mad bro?

Email from a happy fan.

Glad I can help

Email from someone trying to get me to use their chartered jet service.

Need a jet? I can hook you up!

Email from someone who may have been scammed and is asking for help.

An easy roast? Has this guy SEEN his work?

Email from a happy fan in North Carolina who paid $1700 for tickets.

I do offer VIP packages; please contact my chartered jet provider for info.

Email from someone who is confused as to why they cannot buy tickets from my website.

WTF

Text message that reads,

Do. Not. Send. Me. Texts.

Email from a fan letting my management team know what a great talent I am.

My management already knows how brilliant I am, Shirley.

A long email that contains what is probably a racist joke that he's offering to give me for free.

I can't tell for sure if this is racist or not?

© 2025 Matthew Rife All rights reserved

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